growing up

.
mood: WORRIED.

this few days,
while you were away.
my mind.
they started panting.

i'm over thinking,
i know.

it's not like we are official now.
but yet,
it feels like i'm not good enough.

yes, that's why i asked for a year.
but i need to know...
... ... ... ... ... ... ...

i'm basically so worried.
if i fit the shoes.

you're the only one.
that i truly want.
that i can imagine spending my life with.

for that i need to be better.
be stronger.

i wish i hope i can cope.

i better cope.
i better be all that i/you hope.
cuz i seriously cannot imagine life without you.

yes, take it slow i will.
whatever happens happens.
i know. i know.

it's all part of growing up.
THANKS babe. :D

*i don't want to end up like what pinky said... psychotic -_-*

ah~ so shy ah...
i also promise... i will NOT merajuk. cuz the last time it so back fired! major-ly back fired. -_-

a trip down to memory lane - pyrotechnics.

.
mood: Calm.

yes the festive season is gone.
this is why it's a memory lane post~

i'm sure there are names for this pyrotechincs.

but being kids back then what would i know,
only MANJA, BUY, LIGHT, RUN, SEE.
mom would used to say i am burning money.
*actually everything is a waste of money to her*
so i am now naming them. Heh.

i kept these since i was a kid.
and i still AM one!
now, i don't even want to burn them.
so SAYANGs~

such priceless treasures
*until i know where to restock...*

the bee

basically will fly high~ simple little firework that i would use to image it being a spy toy. haha.


the lotus

like it's namesake, it basically spins like a lotus. with various colours changing. green, yellow, red.


the bunga

imagine a fountain of colourful fire. i MISS it!


pulling firework

this, i used a lot in school. tying up doors for the teacher to open, to welcome them with a big BANG. KAKA.


meletups

i miss the sound this creates. BOOM. POP. POP. like stones in a microwave with sparkles.


super priceless
steps

whenever my niece or nephew misbehave, i show them this.
walk and you'll be trailed with a row of loud burning fireworks.

ah i miss the simple pleasure of these harmless fireworks.
oh do bring them back!!!

p.s: don't the blue fabric look sooooooo comfortable? heh

a gloomy but it's ok day~

.
mood: Content.

things was ok in the morning.
then it became gloomy.
*even the sky suggest a very gloomy day*

but like every other day,
we have to seek some light out of it.
otherwise we are trap in the darkness.

and you become very very gloomy.

i am trying to look at the bright side,
indulge on the positive note,
advantage part of life.
the meaning of life~

i do think, i need this spanking.

tomorrow will be a brighter day.
i know it will be.
it has to.

... it BETTER BE!
i now need some super happy music~

it's about that time again.

.
mood: Confused.

i think, i have to chop my hair again.
with all the previous hair styles,
i'm BORED already.



no idea what to do,
or where to go now.
*still pissed with the previous hair stylist*
*don't feel like going to miko with short hair*
HURMP~



maintain it short~
or
keep it long~
???
!!!


oh i can be so vain~

oh MANA KERIS AKU!

No Happy Ending

.
i have been feeling better. thinking better.
in fact too much thinking.
way too much.

(warning: SUPER LONG LONG POST)

1st Oct 2007 (Monday)

sent a text message the idiotic cheating ass-hole father.
was informed that he's away on a trip and it's at the office.
yesterday 30th Sept was the last day for the road tax.
now i'm basically driving illegally until i get hold of the new road tax.
which is at the office. which i don't want to go back to.
i know i have to put on a plastic face. and loads of questions will be asked like...
where have i been the past few years?
and what have i been doing?
and well HOW ARE YOU DANIEL BOY?

now i wish i didn't slam the phone and allow the idiotic cheating ass-hole father to proceed with the pick up instructions.

BUT QUESTION IS... HE HAS BEEN GETTING THE AGENTS TO SEND THE ROAD TAX TO THE HOUSE,
WHY THIS TIME I HAVE TO GO PICK IT UP PERSONALLY!?

someone said will meet up this weekend. YAYS.
tho i seriously doubt it will happen.

cancelled all short trips. singapore, johore and ipoh.
... mmm made fb a little disappointed.
will probably do it later this month...

travelling is not just a quick escape
but a note to live
while one is travelling
constantly,
they don't tend to rest as often
they don't sleep that much
but they are excited
to go out
to experience
to see
to listen
to taste
to feel
to smell
all this is part of living...

2nd Oct 2007 (Tuesday)

i sleep at wee hours. or rather i sleep really early.
and wake up when the sun fries the ass.
Malaysia is getting very warm.
the world is getting very very warm.
global warming is certain... warming...

I keep saying TOMORROW.

tomorrow i'll unpack.
tomorrow i'll clean the room.
tomorrow i'll go kay el.
tomorrow i'll collect the cheques.
tomorrow i'll do this.
tomorrow i'll do that.
and when it comes to tomorrow...
i will say... TOMORROW once more.

eric texted. asked for a gathering session.
tonight.
i said crazy.
thursday la. cibai. so last minute.
besides i'm still... lethargic.

3rd Oct 2007 (Wednesday)

i've basically been doing nothing.
loads of sleep.
msn.
shit.
eat.
the basic usualy lazy ass would do.
been in such denial.
been in such bad mood.

i called myself a dead lazy pig
dead lazy skinny pig.

i will only wake up when the stoamch start grumbling.

been messaging with the ci bais paper dolls
gosh they are FUN! haha
miss them
yasuo haruyama emailed
miss everyone from berlin

































a good picture is not the one that is taken
but rather
it is the one that remains in your head
photos are nothing
memories are everything

there's no point in travelling
and snapping pictures continuously
it only means
you are, seeing the world,
but thru a view finder
not with your own naturally lense
if so, what's the point
you might as well stay home
see it thru the internet

4th Oct 2007 (Thursday)

didn't sleep well.
perhaps only 3 hours?
waited till 7am, then went out.
to buy breakfast.
nasi lemak. my first after 3 months.
i think i'll miss it a LOT!!!

smsed eric. to check about the gathering.
replied was. just us.
... sien.
but i figured,
joanne must be thinking... TOO MUCH.
wy yeen should still be in singapore.

tried packing.

when i pack... "PACK"
i can be seen...

suddenly reading,
suddenly mopping,
suddenly eating,
suddenly online,
suddenly camwhoring,

just no packing involved...

then
thought of going to kay el.
to collect the road tax.
to avoid packing... and unpacking...
but naturally i didn't...
i'm lazy.

met up with eric.
he seems... to be missing australia a lot.
poor him. turning old soon.
HAHAHA.
but was a good catching up session.

there should be no regrets in life
regardless of what you do
what has been done
is done
live goes on
with or without you
so smile
and live like you were born today

5th Oct 2007 (Friday)

going/went down to kay el.
FINALLY to collect the road tax.

drove to taman jaya.
took the LRT.
hate it.
the people in the train drives me crazy.
tho seeing one malay aunty made me smile,

she brought her family out for a strool
an afternoon walk
i figured
with all the happy kids
you could tell they are not well to do
but yet they seem so happy

you don't need to be rich to be happy
you need to feel rich
to feel blessed... and happy.

arrived at klcc.
had lunch with FROGGIE.
he is looking... TIRED (so he claims)
went to the office.
collected the road tax
with a plasticed surgery face
idiotic cheating ass-hole father wasn't there
SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME COMING?
HAVE SOMEONE SEND IT OVER NEXT YEAR!

loitered around kl.
went to pavilion for the first time.
don't quite like it. seems... NORMAL.
i kind of miss going out
saw a camera i like.
might buy it.
waiting for someone to confirm to dinner

have you ever stare and glare at the sky
at space
and wonder
or ponder

what is this?
where am i?
who am i?
how is this.. life?
is this really living?
when i die what happens next?
where's heaven? where's hell...

what if... this was all a game...
what if... an apple is called a shit...
and if a fece is known as air...

so many what ifs...

i've been staring glaring a lot recently
mind just totally spaced out
in trance
but not a good one
made me feel
non-existence...

after hours of wait
i decided to go home

got called for a meeting tomorrow.

6th Oct 2007 (Saturday)

woke up so early.
or rather i didn't sleep.
AGAIN.
(karma of too much sleep)

went online.
yada yada.

went for the meeting.
interesting story board.
accepted the job.

arranging oct's schedule.

splurge of the day...



chances aren't given
chances are created
you seize the moment
you create the opportunity

same goes with
respect
you earn it
it doesn't come free

but smile
because it's a free bliss

7th Oct 2007 (Sunday)

decided to go church.
after so long of absence.
while in car. mom asked about hk's plan.

i didn't want to answer.
i didn't want hope.
i didn't want money.
i don't want anything.

hope and faith is something i am not familiar with.

she always promise something
but breaks the promises

mummy will bring you to lake toba (since i was 6)
mummy will bring you to visit china (since i was 12)
mummy will buy you a new watch (since i was 13)
mummy will this, mummy will that...
mummy also said this year i'll be in melbourne for a month
but... nothing mummy said came thru.

i just don't want any expectations.

Anyways... apart from those events...

i'm going on a real hiatus (just one month plus?) after this post.

while i was on the short hiatus.
i visited more blogs than i usually do.
and most of them inspired me.

with their lifes
with their writtings
with their templates
and everything that there was
and life itself

and all that moment...
i'm thinking again...
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
sitting facing the computer 24/7
complaining ranting kiasuing
but doing nothing nothing at all

that's just silly
you can't write a diary
when you are not living

and you technically waste time
which means you waste life
which also means you are like...
waiting for death to do you apart
... with... from life.

so i'll be taking a LONG one month plus break
from the internet or rather the blogging world.

... god i hope i can survive
... blog hopping is such an addiction
... hung hung is not allowed to camwhore without me!
... mmm... i'll miss keapohing everyone's life

i present the song of the moment...






summary of word of wisdoms... advise...,

just because you are gloomy doesn't mean you have to be in a gloomy face. just smile. don't show others your emotion,
your bad chi. it drags them down low as well. no point in making others feel bad and sad.
this world is horrid enough
and life is
too long too short.

p/s: this blog shall be no longer be available for public as it will be privatized by the next full moon.
those who are keen in keeping in-touch etc this is the EMAIL addy.

pp/s: to all the muslim friends, i wish you a happy hari raya in advance first. maaf zahir dan batin.
(i hope i got that right)

ppp/s:... mmm is deepavali around the corner as well? erm... just incase. i'm LAZY to check...
HAPPY DEEPAVALI as well!

cheers. god bless.
take care!
bye.
;o)

mika's red jeans

a month ago when i was doing a fashion show... well not a fashion show but a beauty event that needed choreographing. so called the fashion designer, richard tsen, who was sponsoring the wardrobe for the event
and
he said "erm you sure have that song wan. mika, grace kelly".

i was like... "WHAT? WHO? don't simply asume i have it la!" cis.

then... earlier this month... i found it in my itunes... WA KAKAKAKA... so the pai seh...

and this week... jasmine and some other people kept giving me compliments that my new (last season) cheap money skinny jeans
(wow... i just went to the website and saw a new catalogue... WOW!!!)



saying that it looks like mika's jeans in grace kelly...

that time i still super the blur blur... MIKA? GRACE JELLY?


(oh i'm just so hooked up with his songs now... he's like the new daniel bedingfield, daniel powter!!!)

had a long day. had fun. a little bit of work. but was a good day overall. watched HAIRSPRAY. meet up with friends. meet up with ching chang chong, adrian, soefara, glenn, ivan, meet up with cibet face and other half. mmm... asked something i now feel... i should soooooo leave to hong kong or where ever SOON... this is... too horror horror...

p.s. oh i went emo on the 911 date huh... not bad. haha.

some memories

the camp was fine. to it's own extend.
people there were friendly.
had a good fun time.

tho someone there reminded me deeply of someone.
too much to bare.
too much to remember.

i know i have a lot of blessings in life.
i should be content.
i should be happy.

to a certain extend. i am.

but having an empty spot somehow makes it "empty"

i know i am blessed.
i know. i know.

and for all these i am truly grateful.

life is sometimes too damn long.

oh please let those memories slip by.
some momories are meant to be forgotten.
some moments are meant to pass.
some bliss are just bliss not love.

---- side notes----

OMG i must been suffering from amnesia while i was in hk. cuz... this is the second trip there and yet... again... i forgotten to visit madame-tussauds's wax museum... DAMNIT!!!

such irony. things i want to remember i just don't and things i want to forget keeps hunting me day and day. le sighs.