No Happy Ending

.
i have been feeling better. thinking better.
in fact too much thinking.
way too much.

(warning: SUPER LONG LONG POST)

1st Oct 2007 (Monday)

sent a text message the idiotic cheating ass-hole father.
was informed that he's away on a trip and it's at the office.
yesterday 30th Sept was the last day for the road tax.
now i'm basically driving illegally until i get hold of the new road tax.
which is at the office. which i don't want to go back to.
i know i have to put on a plastic face. and loads of questions will be asked like...
where have i been the past few years?
and what have i been doing?
and well HOW ARE YOU DANIEL BOY?

now i wish i didn't slam the phone and allow the idiotic cheating ass-hole father to proceed with the pick up instructions.

BUT QUESTION IS... HE HAS BEEN GETTING THE AGENTS TO SEND THE ROAD TAX TO THE HOUSE,
WHY THIS TIME I HAVE TO GO PICK IT UP PERSONALLY!?

someone said will meet up this weekend. YAYS.
tho i seriously doubt it will happen.

cancelled all short trips. singapore, johore and ipoh.
... mmm made fb a little disappointed.
will probably do it later this month...

travelling is not just a quick escape
but a note to live
while one is travelling
constantly,
they don't tend to rest as often
they don't sleep that much
but they are excited
to go out
to experience
to see
to listen
to taste
to feel
to smell
all this is part of living...

2nd Oct 2007 (Tuesday)

i sleep at wee hours. or rather i sleep really early.
and wake up when the sun fries the ass.
Malaysia is getting very warm.
the world is getting very very warm.
global warming is certain... warming...

I keep saying TOMORROW.

tomorrow i'll unpack.
tomorrow i'll clean the room.
tomorrow i'll go kay el.
tomorrow i'll collect the cheques.
tomorrow i'll do this.
tomorrow i'll do that.
and when it comes to tomorrow...
i will say... TOMORROW once more.

eric texted. asked for a gathering session.
tonight.
i said crazy.
thursday la. cibai. so last minute.
besides i'm still... lethargic.

3rd Oct 2007 (Wednesday)

i've basically been doing nothing.
loads of sleep.
msn.
shit.
eat.
the basic usualy lazy ass would do.
been in such denial.
been in such bad mood.

i called myself a dead lazy pig
dead lazy skinny pig.

i will only wake up when the stoamch start grumbling.

been messaging with the ci bais paper dolls
gosh they are FUN! haha
miss them
yasuo haruyama emailed
miss everyone from berlin

































a good picture is not the one that is taken
but rather
it is the one that remains in your head
photos are nothing
memories are everything

there's no point in travelling
and snapping pictures continuously
it only means
you are, seeing the world,
but thru a view finder
not with your own naturally lense
if so, what's the point
you might as well stay home
see it thru the internet

4th Oct 2007 (Thursday)

didn't sleep well.
perhaps only 3 hours?
waited till 7am, then went out.
to buy breakfast.
nasi lemak. my first after 3 months.
i think i'll miss it a LOT!!!

smsed eric. to check about the gathering.
replied was. just us.
... sien.
but i figured,
joanne must be thinking... TOO MUCH.
wy yeen should still be in singapore.

tried packing.

when i pack... "PACK"
i can be seen...

suddenly reading,
suddenly mopping,
suddenly eating,
suddenly online,
suddenly camwhoring,

just no packing involved...

then
thought of going to kay el.
to collect the road tax.
to avoid packing... and unpacking...
but naturally i didn't...
i'm lazy.

met up with eric.
he seems... to be missing australia a lot.
poor him. turning old soon.
HAHAHA.
but was a good catching up session.

there should be no regrets in life
regardless of what you do
what has been done
is done
live goes on
with or without you
so smile
and live like you were born today

5th Oct 2007 (Friday)

going/went down to kay el.
FINALLY to collect the road tax.

drove to taman jaya.
took the LRT.
hate it.
the people in the train drives me crazy.
tho seeing one malay aunty made me smile,

she brought her family out for a strool
an afternoon walk
i figured
with all the happy kids
you could tell they are not well to do
but yet they seem so happy

you don't need to be rich to be happy
you need to feel rich
to feel blessed... and happy.

arrived at klcc.
had lunch with FROGGIE.
he is looking... TIRED (so he claims)
went to the office.
collected the road tax
with a plasticed surgery face
idiotic cheating ass-hole father wasn't there
SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME COMING?
HAVE SOMEONE SEND IT OVER NEXT YEAR!

loitered around kl.
went to pavilion for the first time.
don't quite like it. seems... NORMAL.
i kind of miss going out
saw a camera i like.
might buy it.
waiting for someone to confirm to dinner

have you ever stare and glare at the sky
at space
and wonder
or ponder

what is this?
where am i?
who am i?
how is this.. life?
is this really living?
when i die what happens next?
where's heaven? where's hell...

what if... this was all a game...
what if... an apple is called a shit...
and if a fece is known as air...

so many what ifs...

i've been staring glaring a lot recently
mind just totally spaced out
in trance
but not a good one
made me feel
non-existence...

after hours of wait
i decided to go home

got called for a meeting tomorrow.

6th Oct 2007 (Saturday)

woke up so early.
or rather i didn't sleep.
AGAIN.
(karma of too much sleep)

went online.
yada yada.

went for the meeting.
interesting story board.
accepted the job.

arranging oct's schedule.

splurge of the day...



chances aren't given
chances are created
you seize the moment
you create the opportunity

same goes with
respect
you earn it
it doesn't come free

but smile
because it's a free bliss

7th Oct 2007 (Sunday)

decided to go church.
after so long of absence.
while in car. mom asked about hk's plan.

i didn't want to answer.
i didn't want hope.
i didn't want money.
i don't want anything.

hope and faith is something i am not familiar with.

she always promise something
but breaks the promises

mummy will bring you to lake toba (since i was 6)
mummy will bring you to visit china (since i was 12)
mummy will buy you a new watch (since i was 13)
mummy will this, mummy will that...
mummy also said this year i'll be in melbourne for a month
but... nothing mummy said came thru.

i just don't want any expectations.

Anyways... apart from those events...

i'm going on a real hiatus (just one month plus?) after this post.

while i was on the short hiatus.
i visited more blogs than i usually do.
and most of them inspired me.

with their lifes
with their writtings
with their templates
and everything that there was
and life itself

and all that moment...
i'm thinking again...
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
sitting facing the computer 24/7
complaining ranting kiasuing
but doing nothing nothing at all

that's just silly
you can't write a diary
when you are not living

and you technically waste time
which means you waste life
which also means you are like...
waiting for death to do you apart
... with... from life.

so i'll be taking a LONG one month plus break
from the internet or rather the blogging world.

... god i hope i can survive
... blog hopping is such an addiction
... hung hung is not allowed to camwhore without me!
... mmm... i'll miss keapohing everyone's life

i present the song of the moment...






summary of word of wisdoms... advise...,

just because you are gloomy doesn't mean you have to be in a gloomy face. just smile. don't show others your emotion,
your bad chi. it drags them down low as well. no point in making others feel bad and sad.
this world is horrid enough
and life is
too long too short.

p/s: this blog shall be no longer be available for public as it will be privatized by the next full moon.
those who are keen in keeping in-touch etc this is the EMAIL addy.

pp/s: to all the muslim friends, i wish you a happy hari raya in advance first. maaf zahir dan batin.
(i hope i got that right)

ppp/s:... mmm is deepavali around the corner as well? erm... just incase. i'm LAZY to check...
HAPPY DEEPAVALI as well!

cheers. god bless.
take care!
bye.
;o)