second place in life

am dead tired
did nothing much but shop
and yet amazingly i'm dead tired

not that tatjana is killing me
i love working with her
and nedine and mitcha
(am sure i got their names spelt wrongly, but that's not the point here)

went to spend some time with someone
and i felt,
well i have never felt so
PAIN?
HURTED?
INSULTED???
in my entire life

those words you uttered
was like a knife stabbing right into my chest
it made me feel like some second plan

so far until today
none of your activities or out hanging out together
is a full day
well not that i am anyone special to you
but there's always somewhere else for you to go
right after we chill
or somewhere you went and i'm like
a second plan

well fine

but BUT!!!
today you said something
something so insulting

what you said
sounded like this!!!
if "andy? alex?"
if he looked good
our "kai kai" would have been like what cancelled???

i feel that in life
i've always been placed in the second place
for everything
and everyone

oh god oh why am i created

what made it worst
we watched "the holiday"
so didn't help

i feel like kate and cameron
my life is kate and my emotion is cameron
i so need to burst and cry but i can't

why can't i be in the first place...