drowning without a float.

.
mood: Cloudy.

a stray thought.

years ago, to be exact 11 years ago,
i shut myself away from people.
friends i knew since 6 was shunt away from my life.
most of them at least. especially those of the same age.

i remember vividly.
the moment i arrived school the next day,
there was a group of people. (note people not friends)
would ask what the fuck is wrong with me.
what's bugging me. that we should talk.

what was done, was done.
and it's too slow too late.
nothing major happened.
but every minor little things,
they lead to something major.

one small dot means nothing.
have a few and they become an irritable stain.

i turned away from a lot of people.
mixed with only a very selected few.

some i had no choice since they were classmates.

in general, i was alone most of the time.
not that i was a social outcast.
somehow i just wanted to be the outcast.

i liked that.
not needing anyone.
not having to depend on anyone.
not needing any interaction.

that's why i usually travel alone.
it's such freedom.
only restriction is when i eat.
probably that's why i hate meal time.
everyone is with someone.

it was only after high school that i opened up.
being in new grounds. i should.
oddly enough there were comments that i was too friendly.
like it was a crime to care about course-mates.

no doubt if there was a congeniality competition
i am most likely to win it.

however now recently, there's that urge again.
to shut myself away from people.

most days it feels that there's no difference,
having friends or not.

some days i wished there was someone i could call.
and scream everything out.
but, there's not much point into that.

sometimes i pounder to let go my frustrations and anger.
hoping for someone to share my emo emotions.
then again, if you already know the problem,
and you know the solution,
then why bother asking or telling people.
it becomes a rhetorical question.

since most of the time i am alone.
only, by fact i do have friends,
just that i am usually left alone, behind.

yes, of cause everyone is busy with work.
tho i do find that a lame fact.

time can be created, especially when there's a funeral.
i created a lot of time, for my dead lecturers.
for their funeral.
not very proud of that.

so i am confused.

i might as well, learn to be alone again.
since it's going to be a long quiet journey.
better get used to it again.

and nay. i guess i rather not have that open heart anymore.

i've been developing very plastic smiles lately.
i feel like i look wryly with it on my face. -_-

this blog will be on a hiatus.

HONKSSS!!!

.
mood: CALM.

ah... i need to be on the left lane soon.
ah... there's some space and i can move in.
ah... i shall signal to go into that lane.

tik tok tik...
HONKSSSSS!!!!
stupid selfish old man decided to speed to fill the SPACIOUS gap
and HONKS while doing so.

ouch. grouchy old man. so mean.
T_T bully small boy.

ah. nevermind right lane is still faster~
OH. left lane is closed.

HA! serves you right old man, you still need to come to the right lane later.
i guess, THANKS~ i might be slow but i'm in-front of you.

and ah. i didn't need to be on the left lane just yet, not my turning yet.

so EAT my DIRT you old sagging asshole.

i am amazed that i no longer need to be evil to certain people.
karma has its way for to handle things vengeance for me.
ahhh...

edited: 1500, 19.04.08
OMG look at my england. OMG the grammar. horror horror...
digging a hole on the ground to burry my face~
tergamak aku gi correct grammar orang lain manakala aku punya macam tahi~
kekeke...

malaysians we are the most friendly drivers. i do admit.
LOL.

taking a step back.

.
mood: Silly.

silly little prince.
how many times must we remind you?

remember those words, remember the curse.
remember them all. remember them well.

there will come a day when you will know,
why those reasons were said.

there will come a time when he shall show.
but for now, be patient for good riddance's sake.

there's a tale, so follow this tail.
tell no one about his frail.

don't worry too much.
don't think too much.

all is well as they are well planned.
believe. and have a little faith.

take a step back.
and relax the journey to his nest.

we don't want to see you get hurt again, and again.
don't believe the words others has said.
those will bring nothing but mistakes.

they utterly mean nothing much.

you can't afford to take such steps,
fear and afraid that you'll be so sad.


remember little prince, you were born to bring joy to others,
your journey might be sorrow. your journey will be lonely, but that is your cross to bare.
but also remember little prince your prize awaits you at the gate of peter.
only then...

too kinky for our toilets...

.
mood: Whammy~.

i've always wondered if i heard such noises in the loo,
is it something KINKY going on???

... now to a certain someone... don't so naughty at public places ah...
you never know if you'll be the next edison.
^_^

K-A-N-A-S-A-I

.
mood: ANGRY.

yes, it's a little old news, but i was BUSY

this is why most malaysian chinese are never proud about their nationality.
this is also why we hardly use our national language.

it's partly because we are never made an equal.
always the outcast.
a third world citizen.

this is also the reason why foreigners get confused with
malaysian chinese.

you are a malaysian... but you speak chinese?

this idiot made me feel... unwanted. T_T

granting me... a citizenship to a country where i had no choice when i was born is UNJUST.
like who are you kidding?
you are blessed to have me as your citizen!
not the other way around.

no, i have nothing against malays. i have so many malay friends.
i am just... shy shy ah that i have a stupid prince, CROWN PRINCE living in... "MY COUNTRY"...

i am also speechless... what's that word... dumfounded...

cis.

this has spark him an instant fame to stupidity, you can so goggle him now.
note to self: to be famous is to be stupid & silly...

colours behind the meaning of life

.
mood: Calm.

we come into the world without teeth.
we grow old and loose them.
perhaps it's because we no longer need to eat?

i was trying to find my old notes.
those i wrote for michael barret's english literature class.

couldn't find them.
so i have to rewrite this.

this will be a series of my pass thoughts,
my notes,
they were assignments of a daily journal.
which we had to submit weekly.
what we have observed, what we did etc...

and this was one of my favorite observation

about colours in life.

life is a funny thing.
colours are like senses,
and signals to life,
that makes life funny, and interesting.

when we are born, our hair is light.
it turns darker as we age.
and again lighten as we age even more,
till it's white. all white. pure white.

unlike flowers, trees, and animals,
when their life begins,
they are so colourful, so beautiful. vibrant.
but once they age, they turn dull.
like their purpose is done.

cremate them to ashes and they turn white.
they reunite with the earth, a new purpose.

this whiteness seems to symbolize,
that there's another purpose, yet again in life.
as if as when we age, when our hair turns white,
there's another reason we should live again.
or a whole new adventure awaits us, after life.

that we should be pure before we begin a new life.
a new phrase.
we should be in an enlightenment state to do so.

let things be, leave them.
don't have any regrets, drop them.
don't let the past haunt you.

live life with no regrets.
leave life as pure as you came.

turning some leafs over

.
mood: Tired.

i asked the memory to drill out some past.
those that will cheer me up.
those that will make me laugh.
we need sadness to reflect on happiness. but now i need laughter.

and this is what i remembered when li wei said 'mo tor mo him'.
*we owe one another nothing*
instantly, i remembered a coursemate's silliness.
she is a b-a-n-a-n-a.

everyday when we go out eating with her,
we either burst out in tears
or we'll be damn shy sitting next to her.

when paying for a meal~

misanthrope: nah, no worries. i'll get this.
miss dory: oh. thanks. next round on me la.
misanthrope: haha, can then we mo tor mo him.

later that day in college she was returning a favour to a friend.
i heard her saying...

miss dory: mo hung mo min.
*no breast no face*

the whole class burst into laughter.

but her classic is just this...

miss dory: i tell you a joke.
misanthrope: ok.
miss dory: the other day i was at the night market. i wanted to get some kuih. but knowing me la. so bodoh. i went to the aunty and then...

miss dory: aunty one of this and this, and then one jee tau peng.
aunty: glare at her and then ignoring her...

only later, after a few seconds she realized she asked for a WRONG thing, she wanted ham jee peng.
*some chinese kuih*
*jee tau peng = one pig head*
there were many many more silly incidents.
most which i am slowly forgetting.

lets jot them before i forget...

You Could Be Happy

.
mood: Blank.


You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

putting the I back into misanthrope

.
mood: Morbid.

i...
have not been able to function properly. there has been too much emotions going on lately. some pleasant. some, well the opposite direction. at times they don't mean anything. as life has to go on. but there are just times, often times, i wish i was back like how i used to be. i don't want to care. i don't want to feel. i don't want to love. i want to hate. and shield myself from everyone. i don't trust. i don't believe anymore. each day now. i am feeling the old me back. i want to be what i used to be.

why should i learn to trust people around me, when all i have going on now is hate.

we go woosh~ and WOOSH~

.
mood: EXCITED.

the original plan was to do it the second day i got back from hong kong.
but since there wasn't enough people, the plan was postponed.
major DANG!

then finally li wei called again last week.
and proof. the next day we went. 28.03.08
HEHE!

apparently her cousin brother's friends will join.
and. WOW.
firstly, they are from hawaii.
secondly, they are half japanese.
thirdly, they are now based in JAPAN.

WOOTS~

anyways... we had to leave early in the morning. 7am.
to gopeng~

li wei and james drove.
i was being the clown in the car.
like a 'radio buruk'
*which means talk non stop, all nonsense*

we were brought to the resort upon arrival.
waited for other groups, then was given briefing. too much to remember.
donated a lot of blood. bring repellent!!!

tho the actual schedule got screwed up,
we will get wet then dirty now.
but hack, OFF we go~

white water rafting~

woosh~ woosh~ spoosh~~~ SPLASH!


i've always, always wanted to do this!
it's major major fun!!!
amazing experience!!!
am so looking forward to the monsoon season!!!

oh and we had constant water war along the river banks!
did some mmm... body rafting? SO SHIOKS!
everyone was so FUN and HAPPENING~



brent was being a big monyet. his body is damn chiseled! DANG!


lunch was served.
and then we chilled.
the river was SUPER ICE COLD.

li wei was being very disgusting, telling me, people shit in the river,
that it's totally normal and fine!
i swallowed water while doing body rafting... -_-#


then later we were transported like pendatang asing,
illegal immigrant/worker
literally, we were standing on a truck, riding like livestocks?
was cool tho. if the trees weren't so LOW!
to our next adventure.
CAVING~ ... i forgotten the name of the cave -_-



was too dark to take much pictures.
but it was for a whole 3 hours.
and the water rafting was about 2 hours?
by the time we were done, we were half dead!?
and that's like only the day activity we had install!??

and we saw 2 snakes. they had the triangular head? EEEEK!!!

went back to kl after a quick shower.
send the boys back to the hotel for a proper bath.
we went back to bath. and a quick snack meal.

and OMG. i never knew that KL had such a great place to chill!!!
we went to 'Look Out Point'
i've no idea where we were.
but the sign board said KAJANG...


brent, daryl, xming, li wei, daniel, sean, clinton, james, and erm... jess??? yiks. sorry!

totally amazing. they called it the little genting.
perfect spot to berpancaran~

then went to bangsar for drinks. la bodega.
then to murnis to eat. we ended the day... night morning at 5am...

li wei was like... i'm old. can't take, do this much already. -_-
... sad to say but... SAME HERE...
daryl was guessing my age... his guess... 27.
@$#%^&%#@#%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_-

Amazingly Kelakar

.
mood: OK.

Thanks to the speed of facebook,
I don't even have to hunt for videos anymore.

This are both separate emotion videos.

One will probably leave your jaw open.
As to wonder how they managed being so... STILL.

And the other, just don't be drinking while watching.


sugoi!


poop poot poop poot~ ~~ ~~~

music sound control on the left

EDITed one hour later...
and like all addictions, you just keep clicking and clicking and clicking.

a store that actually fits 111 (and more) males, plus, topless.



and this is just so WICKED!


would have been better if all hand phones had a specific tone tho...

Improve Everywhere

gosh it's like an epidemic! i so want to do one!!!
i don't care even if it seems wu liau! (too free?)
even singapore has one version of a painter painting blank!
malaysia... so boleh... -_-

EEEE!!!
the freeze thing!!!
sooooooo manyaks countries doing it!
where's malaysia!?

tokyo~


hong kong~


berlin~


and etc

reEDITed 3 hours later...

EEEEEEE!!! malaysia done de.
EEEEEEE!!! the quality is like... shioks sendiri...
-_-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Bycc6p8tA...
thank god that's not the official one.
we shall... wait and see the official video from Improve Everywhere

A post that Killed Two Overdue Memes.

.
mood: CALM.

i am still very deprived of the internet!
T_T

From Monkey With Tartar Sauce, Azhan.

5 Things Things You Didn't Know About Daniel

Daniel was 45 kg from Form 1 till the age of 22.
Eat or don't eat.
The weight was pretty much stagnate.
There's a speculation that there's a tape worm living in him.

Daniel had a weird habit when he was a kid,
he will sort of adjust things in the supermarket rack,
if they weren't in alignment. Or properly sort them.
So to avoid being silly, he avoid such aisle.

Daniel dislike drinking water when he was a kid.
Always tea or soft drinks only.
And now he usually buys bottle water to drink,
not from the boiled water at home.
He claims that there's a plastic smell.

Before Daniel goes to bed,
he needs to wash his foot.
And his foot must be covered.
He gets agitated otherwise.
Fearing that someone/something might touch/pull his legs.

Both of Daniel's baby fingers are slightly curved.
It ain't straight.
winks

apparently this is a 8 facts about yourself... i so LAZY already la!

From Boyz World, Kenny.

1 Which feature do you zoom in on when you meet a guy for the first time?
His eyes.

2. Who is your role model?
The mirror's reflection.

3. What's the healthiest thing you would eat among sushi, salad and sandwich?
Salad.

4. Which movie you can watch again and again?
Sound of Music.

5. Three gadgets that you can't live without?
Ipod, Camera, Computer.

6. What is your most annoying habit?
Laziness.

7. What's one thing you're glad you've outgrown?
Of not going to the dentist.

8. I get nervous when...
I see a needle, keen in sucking out my blood.

9. My biggest fear is...
When the bank account is going empty.

10.The best thing I've done for myself is...
Getting braces!

11. Pass this meme to 6 people.
38 Kia
Aaron
Drowned Glass
Little Dove
Miss Cake
Pinky