drowning without a float.

.
mood: Cloudy.

a stray thought.

years ago, to be exact 11 years ago,
i shut myself away from people.
friends i knew since 6 was shunt away from my life.
most of them at least. especially those of the same age.

i remember vividly.
the moment i arrived school the next day,
there was a group of people. (note people not friends)
would ask what the fuck is wrong with me.
what's bugging me. that we should talk.

what was done, was done.
and it's too slow too late.
nothing major happened.
but every minor little things,
they lead to something major.

one small dot means nothing.
have a few and they become an irritable stain.

i turned away from a lot of people.
mixed with only a very selected few.

some i had no choice since they were classmates.

in general, i was alone most of the time.
not that i was a social outcast.
somehow i just wanted to be the outcast.

i liked that.
not needing anyone.
not having to depend on anyone.
not needing any interaction.

that's why i usually travel alone.
it's such freedom.
only restriction is when i eat.
probably that's why i hate meal time.
everyone is with someone.

it was only after high school that i opened up.
being in new grounds. i should.
oddly enough there were comments that i was too friendly.
like it was a crime to care about course-mates.

no doubt if there was a congeniality competition
i am most likely to win it.

however now recently, there's that urge again.
to shut myself away from people.

most days it feels that there's no difference,
having friends or not.

some days i wished there was someone i could call.
and scream everything out.
but, there's not much point into that.

sometimes i pounder to let go my frustrations and anger.
hoping for someone to share my emo emotions.
then again, if you already know the problem,
and you know the solution,
then why bother asking or telling people.
it becomes a rhetorical question.

since most of the time i am alone.
only, by fact i do have friends,
just that i am usually left alone, behind.

yes, of cause everyone is busy with work.
tho i do find that a lame fact.

time can be created, especially when there's a funeral.
i created a lot of time, for my dead lecturers.
for their funeral.
not very proud of that.

so i am confused.

i might as well, learn to be alone again.
since it's going to be a long quiet journey.
better get used to it again.

and nay. i guess i rather not have that open heart anymore.

i've been developing very plastic smiles lately.
i feel like i look wryly with it on my face. -_-

this blog will be on a hiatus.

HONKSSS!!!

.
mood: CALM.

ah... i need to be on the left lane soon.
ah... there's some space and i can move in.
ah... i shall signal to go into that lane.

tik tok tik...
HONKSSSSS!!!!
stupid selfish old man decided to speed to fill the SPACIOUS gap
and HONKS while doing so.

ouch. grouchy old man. so mean.
T_T bully small boy.

ah. nevermind right lane is still faster~
OH. left lane is closed.

HA! serves you right old man, you still need to come to the right lane later.
i guess, THANKS~ i might be slow but i'm in-front of you.

and ah. i didn't need to be on the left lane just yet, not my turning yet.

so EAT my DIRT you old sagging asshole.

i am amazed that i no longer need to be evil to certain people.
karma has its way for to handle things vengeance for me.
ahhh...

edited: 1500, 19.04.08
OMG look at my england. OMG the grammar. horror horror...
digging a hole on the ground to burry my face~
tergamak aku gi correct grammar orang lain manakala aku punya macam tahi~
kekeke...

malaysians we are the most friendly drivers. i do admit.
LOL.

taking a step back.

.
mood: Silly.

silly little prince.
how many times must we remind you?

remember those words, remember the curse.
remember them all. remember them well.

there will come a day when you will know,
why those reasons were said.

there will come a time when he shall show.
but for now, be patient for good riddance's sake.

there's a tale, so follow this tail.
tell no one about his frail.

don't worry too much.
don't think too much.

all is well as they are well planned.
believe. and have a little faith.

take a step back.
and relax the journey to his nest.

we don't want to see you get hurt again, and again.
don't believe the words others has said.
those will bring nothing but mistakes.

they utterly mean nothing much.

you can't afford to take such steps,
fear and afraid that you'll be so sad.


remember little prince, you were born to bring joy to others,
your journey might be sorrow. your journey will be lonely, but that is your cross to bare.
but also remember little prince your prize awaits you at the gate of peter.
only then...

too kinky for our toilets...

.
mood: Whammy~.

i've always wondered if i heard such noises in the loo,
is it something KINKY going on???

... now to a certain someone... don't so naughty at public places ah...
you never know if you'll be the next edison.
^_^

K-A-N-A-S-A-I

.
mood: ANGRY.

yes, it's a little old news, but i was BUSY

this is why most malaysian chinese are never proud about their nationality.
this is also why we hardly use our national language.

it's partly because we are never made an equal.
always the outcast.
a third world citizen.

this is also the reason why foreigners get confused with
malaysian chinese.

you are a malaysian... but you speak chinese?

this idiot made me feel... unwanted. T_T

granting me... a citizenship to a country where i had no choice when i was born is UNJUST.
like who are you kidding?
you are blessed to have me as your citizen!
not the other way around.

no, i have nothing against malays. i have so many malay friends.
i am just... shy shy ah that i have a stupid prince, CROWN PRINCE living in... "MY COUNTRY"...

i am also speechless... what's that word... dumfounded...

cis.

this has spark him an instant fame to stupidity, you can so goggle him now.
note to self: to be famous is to be stupid & silly...